Poem: The Day I Fell Down the Toilet by Steve Turner

The day I fell down the toilet
Is the day I’ll never forget,
One moment I was comfort
The next I was helpless and wet.

My feet tipped up to the ceiling
My body collapsed in the bowl
In haste I grabbed at the handle
And found myself flushed down a hole.

One wave goodbye to the bathroom
And I was lost in the sewer,
Traveling tunnels and caverns
On a raft made out of manure.

Then came the washing-up water
With bits of spaghetti and peas,
The filth from a local factory
And an undiscovered disease.

Drifting along in the darkness,
There was nothing to do but wait.
What would I say to my mum now?
What was it that made me so late?

Suddenly it was all over,
From the end of a pipe I shot
Into a part of the ocean
Where the rubbish was sent to rot.

Glad to escape from the tunnel
To leave all pollution behind,
I found a nice spot on the beach
Then started to bathe and unwind.
But bad things began to pursue me

They stuck to my feet and my hand
Wreckage was surfing the wave tops
And oil lay around the sand.

I figured the sewer was safer
For no one said sewers were clean,
I found the pipe that I came from,
And waded my way back upstream.

When I got home I was shattered
I was filthy, ragged and wet,
Rattling the bathroom door was Dad
Saying, ‘You off that toilet yet?’

Story Time

I had to post this poem as it reminded me of an incident in work yesterday. There is a girl I work with and EVERY SINGLE TIME that I go to the bathroom, she follows and chats with me through the door, I don’t mind it at all. Yesterday, she decided to follow but asked me, for no single reason, ‘Are you OK in there?’. I am an exceptionally sarcastic person and almost shouted back ‘NO I’VE FALLEN DOWN THE TOILET!!’ I held my tongue because the girl is special needs and has a wonderful heart and had I said this she would have panicked and tried to get in so instead I had to bite down on my tongue and not reply til I left the toilet. I will point out that IF you decide to follow me to the bathroom for a chat and ask if I’m OK I will likely tell you I’ve fallen down the toilet, so please remember that if we ever happen to meet 🙂 ANYWAYS! The point of this story is that it reminded me of this poem and I couldn’t not post it!!

6 thoughts on “Poem: The Day I Fell Down the Toilet by Steve Turner

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